I say the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy each day at 3pm.  Saint Faustina, my Patroness, was told by Jesus to say this specific prayer at the hour of His death, 3pm and He will grant what we ask provided it is in accordance with His will.  I ask daily for less worldliness and more humility.  I think He is working on me.

Now I have told you that I pray the Chaplet prostrate, as if on a cross, face down.  Today in the middle of the prayer I shouted, almost angrily:

People are drawn to things of the world: beauty, power, wealth.  So then Jesus had to be beautiful.

I don’t know why I shouted that.

I know that people will tell me “Jesus worked in their souls” or some such thing but I have to believe that He was beautiful to look at.  Why else would I shout that out in the middle of a prayer He instructed us, through Faustina, to say?  And why would people who didn’t even believe who He was follow Him secretly (ie Nicodemus)?

Sometimes, I am learning, it is best not to share things with my spiritual friends.  They tend to pin prick my balloons.  I think this is something to proclaim at some time but not now.  Only to you my mysterious and beautiful friends.

(photo from “The Bible” miniseries, Jesus saves the adultress from stoning)

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Damaged Goods

You don’t have to be all that familiar with me to understand this post.  Just ask 1 out of every 5 women and you will get a similar tale.

This is me at the beginning of the most exciting relationship I could imagine:

Picture 297

This is me after a couple of years of being emotionally beaten in the same relationship:


(look closely:  stoned out of my mind on Percocet and Adderall)

This is me when the relationship was over despite my desperately trying to hang on:


And here I am today, no relationship, no men or sex for 6 years:

january party

I went from naïve to desperate to beyond desperate to over-it in one long unconventional “relationship” which revolved around domination and submission.  I was taxed beyond imagination.  Although I am past it – something I never thought could happen thank You Jesus – I am unable to have a relationship or sex or even a flirtation with a man.  I’m damaged goods. 

ONE dangerous liaison can tear through you long after he has tired of doing it himself. 

I think the real damage is that I don’t even try anymore and worse….I periodically contact that man because it’s all I know.

God save me.




Filed under Loneliness, Personal

Hair Band Boyfriend

mark normand

Shamefully, I will admit that I once cast off the Ramones for a hot hairband boyfriend.  And here is the photographic proof.

I spent a year listening to The Scorpions and Cinderella.  Ugh, just the ADMISSION of such a thing!  It’s like getting caught masturbating or something. 

AND he was an idiot.  But he was a hot idiot and I was in some sort of shallow time warp.

I guess what I am trying to say is “Punk rock, I am sorry for abandoning you in 1990 for a hot moron and if it makes you feel any better, I hurled his bass out of a third story window.”


Filed under funny, Personal

I confess



I never thought going to confession could be so amazing.  It’s not like it used to be.  The Sacrament of Reconciliation is special and personal and lovely, really.  Thank you Blessed Mother, thank you Jesus, thank you Father P.



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another party

jan party 2

Yes another party. Yes another party with my very much loved non-believer friends.  May I begin to live the Gospel so that my actions might bring them to Jesus. May I stop getting smashed and making hilariously raucous jokes.  May I stop doing stupid crap on the computer when everyone leaves.  And may this hangover just pass already! 

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I love you



“I love you baby” said the psychopath. 

Then he would hang up and kiss his wife.

Then he would hang up and have sex with his wife. 

Then he would hang up and ignore his wife. 

Then he would hang up and call another stupid girl. 

Then he would hang up and masturbate again to dark and felonious fantasies. 

Then he would hang up and watch TV. 

Then he would hang up.

Then I would wait.


Filed under Personal, sex

COURAGE & COMPASSION – The Gloucester Massachusetts Police Department

gloucester 2

In a Facebook post today, the Chief of the Gloucester Police Department of Massachusetts wrote an open letter to heroin addicts that brought me to tears, particularly the following:

“Your life is more meaningful than your death.  Don’t be ashamed of your illness – we are not ashamed of you…”

The department will accept no awards or merits until everyone in this country has access to sustainable care for addiction.  There have been 4 deaths this month alone in Gloucester.

I am attaching the link so that you might read what courage and compassion look like.




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