you can have a nervous breakdown


You know…you can have a nervous breakdown and not know it.  You can be so high functioning from a history of breakdowns that you function day to day, albeit in a state of depression, drug use, throwing up, what have you.  I know this because (a) I have been living it and (b) I polled a few of my fellow mental defectives and they agree.

Like walking pneumonia.  Like fucking walking pneumonia.

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the worst ever

Stravinsky’s masterpiece “The Rite of Spring” (Le Sacre du Printemps) which debuted in 1913 alongside the choreography of the mad genius Vaslav Nijinsky was so far ahead of its time that only one man escaped with his reputation:  Stravinsky.  Choreographer Nijinsky created an “anti-ballet” , too far ahead of its time, which performed a handful of times and became lost while he died slowly in an asylum.  It took Robert Joffrey of The Joffrey Ballet close to ten years to unearth that lost choreography which his company debuted on television in 1989.  In 1913 it was boo’d.  In 1989, it was lauded as the yardstick by which all modern choreography is measured.  It is truly the crown jewel in historic choreography.

The famed Russian Mariinsky Ballet Company released it’s performance on DVD in 2007 and it is absolute crap!  I can’t believe how bad it is.  When you look at the Joffrey’s debut performance 20 years earlier and with no blueprint to follow (see here) it is perfect precision albeit the featured dancer wasn’t so hot.  All these years later to tweak and learn more and THIS is what was served up?  It is just annoying.  This douche bag ballerina Alexandra Iosifidi looks like she wants it to hurry up and end so she can go throw up.    This Mariinsky DVD became retrospectively so bad it is almost impossible to get.  I found this piece – the finale where the maiden must dance herself to death to save her tribe – and had no way to download it so I am parking this piece of shit here.

If you have interest in seeing what this piece – known as the Danse Sacrale – should really look like…just ask.


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when to sit on your good intentions


Ah, she was well meaning.  And she knew that I had reconciled it all with my confessor.  But really?  Calling me on Mother’s Day to tell me that you have prayed for my aborted children?

Who does that?  For fuck sake I am going through enough – and this woman knows it – so I know she didn’t mean to upset me.  God.   Discernment seems to be an illusive grace.

(Photo:  the abortion years)


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in pieces

everything just started falling apart.  and I am not getting up from it with any ease.  it’s possible that I am lost.  i don’t feel anything.

my family story is funny when I tell it that way.  if you read the same lines in a serious tone it is not at all funny.  if you figure in the fact that nothing, NOTHING has changed it is no wonder i can’t get up.

in other news I was once trusted to hold a puppy.


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Dana Mugavero

I had to compose a back cover bio for the book.  Why, in the end, should I become serious?


Dana Mugavero has been writing for 40 years. During that time she maintained sporadic employment, was thrown out of 4 bands, quit smoking, disappointed a lot of people, co-wrote and performed in the offbeat Cabaret show “Sugarfuhk”, indulged heavily in mental illness, missed out on a lot of opportunities,defied the odds, began and gave up on several artistic endeavors, helped a lot of people with their problems,  found and developed an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, and kept a 2002 Volvo running throughout, though not necessarily in the best of condition. Dana is currently working on an edgy and embarrassing recollection of living as an absolute lunatic in the 80’s.


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I Looked For Sniffy Linings

It took decades but here it is: the perfect use of Devo’s “Gut Feeling”: “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou””, directed by Wes Anderson and music by, who else, Mark Mothersbaugh. I love this scene. Every second works.

As to where I have been and why I haven’t posted….I am a shit show. Lately, I am a dreadful shit show.


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Feeling nostalgic over my cabaret show “Sugarfuhk”.  My friend and I just started writing and acting outrageous and soon it was a bizarre and fabulous show.  This was our first song, first time we put on our wigs and make up. I love the shitty web cam quality.  It speaks to our half baked style.

I am the one playing the broken accordion.


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